Has a publishing date of 18th Feb. Just heard from Haynes themselves.
Happy motoring.
PS- don't get too excited haynes manuals not as good as they used to be.
Haynes Manual 2000-2002 VW Polo UK
-
live2themaxuk
- Bronze Member
- Posts: 121
- Joined: Mon Sep 29, 2003 11:32 pm
wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy . . . . . . . finally
For those of us that have, like me, never used a Haynes Manual:
Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise.
Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer anticlockwise.
Haynes: This is a snug fit.
Translation: You will skin your knuckles!
Haynes: This is a tight fit.
Translation: Not a hope in hell matey!
Haynes: As described in Chapter 7...
Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start, now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox.
Haynes: Pry...
Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into...
Haynes: Undo...
Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (catering size).
Haynes: Retain tiny spring...
Translation: "Jeez what was that, it nearly had my eye out"!
Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb...
Translation: OK - that's the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to dig out the bayonet part.
Haynes: Lightly...
Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are throbbing then re-check the manual because what you are doing now cannot be considered "lightly".
Haynes: Weekly checks...
Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it!
Haynes: Routine maintenance...
Translation: If it isn't broken... it's about to be!
Haynes: One spanner rating.
Translation: Your Mum could do this... so how did you manage to botch it up?
Haynes: Two spanner rating.
Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low, tiny, ikkle number... but you also thought that the wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have been more use to you).
Haynes: Four spanner rating.
Translation: You are seriously considering this aren't you, you pleb!
Haynes: Five spanner rating.
Translation: OK - but don't expect us to ride it afterwards!!!
Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this...
Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Haynes: Compress...
Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear at, throw at the garage wall, then search for it in the dark corner of the garage whilst muttering "bugger" repeatedly under your breath.
Haynes: Inspect...
Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, as I thought, it's going to need a new one"!
Haynes: Carefully...
Translation: You are about to cut yourself!
Haynes: Retaining nut...
Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust.
Haynes: Get an assistant...
Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.
Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark pugs removed.
Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder. Once that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach has subsided, you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs.
Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
Translation: But you swear in different places.
Haynes: Prise away plastic locating pegs...
Translation: Snap off...
Haynes: Using a suitable drift...
Translation: The biggest nail in your tool box isn't a suitable drift!
Haynes: Everyday toolkit
Translation: Ensure you have an RAC Card & Mobile Phone
Haynes: Apply moderate heat...
Translation: Placing your mouth near it and huffing isn't moderate heat.
Haynes: Index
Translation: List of all the things in the book bar the thing you want to do!
For those of us that have, like me, never used a Haynes Manual:
Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise.
Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer anticlockwise.
Haynes: This is a snug fit.
Translation: You will skin your knuckles!
Haynes: This is a tight fit.
Translation: Not a hope in hell matey!
Haynes: As described in Chapter 7...
Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start, now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox.
Haynes: Pry...
Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into...
Haynes: Undo...
Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (catering size).
Haynes: Retain tiny spring...
Translation: "Jeez what was that, it nearly had my eye out"!
Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb...
Translation: OK - that's the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to dig out the bayonet part.
Haynes: Lightly...
Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are throbbing then re-check the manual because what you are doing now cannot be considered "lightly".
Haynes: Weekly checks...
Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it!
Haynes: Routine maintenance...
Translation: If it isn't broken... it's about to be!
Haynes: One spanner rating.
Translation: Your Mum could do this... so how did you manage to botch it up?
Haynes: Two spanner rating.
Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low, tiny, ikkle number... but you also thought that the wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have been more use to you).
Haynes: Four spanner rating.
Translation: You are seriously considering this aren't you, you pleb!
Haynes: Five spanner rating.
Translation: OK - but don't expect us to ride it afterwards!!!
Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this...
Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Haynes: Compress...
Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear at, throw at the garage wall, then search for it in the dark corner of the garage whilst muttering "bugger" repeatedly under your breath.
Haynes: Inspect...
Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, as I thought, it's going to need a new one"!
Haynes: Carefully...
Translation: You are about to cut yourself!
Haynes: Retaining nut...
Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust.
Haynes: Get an assistant...
Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.
Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark pugs removed.
Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder. Once that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach has subsided, you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs.
Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
Translation: But you swear in different places.
Haynes: Prise away plastic locating pegs...
Translation: Snap off...
Haynes: Using a suitable drift...
Translation: The biggest nail in your tool box isn't a suitable drift!
Haynes: Everyday toolkit
Translation: Ensure you have an RAC Card & Mobile Phone
Haynes: Apply moderate heat...
Translation: Placing your mouth near it and huffing isn't moderate heat.
Haynes: Index
Translation: List of all the things in the book bar the thing you want to do!
Like I said, don't get too excited!
I will probably be paperback and 30 pages thick, telling you that you can't fix engine or gearbox because its too complicated and show you where to put new oil etc! It might sound like a joke but I looked at a manual from 2004 and that was about it. Still we can only hope.
Its unlikely to cover the GTi and the last manual did even cover the 16V engines, but we'll see. Hopefully they took the 8V stuff from the old manual corrected it a bit and added a 16V bit, the GTi isn't that much different from that apart from the cams.
Its publishers are Sutton Publishing...
http://www.suttonpublishing.co.uk/
I will probably be paperback and 30 pages thick, telling you that you can't fix engine or gearbox because its too complicated and show you where to put new oil etc! It might sound like a joke but I looked at a manual from 2004 and that was about it. Still we can only hope.
Its unlikely to cover the GTi and the last manual did even cover the 16V engines, but we'll see. Hopefully they took the 8V stuff from the old manual corrected it a bit and added a 16V bit, the GTi isn't that much different from that apart from the cams.
Its publishers are Sutton Publishing...
http://www.suttonpublishing.co.uk/
-
CalvinGTI
- Sponsor
- Posts: 516
- Joined: Wed Mar 03, 2004 10:41 am
- Location: Romford, Essex (London)
- Contact:
hahah funny stuffs :¬P
Seeing as this is a Haynes manual type of question. .
HOW the bloody hell does my gearknob on my MK5 GTi come off?
*Scratches head* it doesnt appear to twist off, unless im being really weak and not twisting it hard enuff? or does it come off another way ?
Can anyone put me out of my misery ? haha
Cheers !
Calâ„¢
Seeing as this is a Haynes manual type of question. .
HOW the bloody hell does my gearknob on my MK5 GTi come off?
*Scratches head* it doesnt appear to twist off, unless im being really weak and not twisting it hard enuff? or does it come off another way ?
Can anyone put me out of my misery ? haha
Cheers !
Calâ„¢
-
carmadaaron
- Bling Bling Diamond Member
- Posts: 4350
- Joined: Fri Mar 12, 2004 8:55 pm
- Location: Scotland
-
CalvinGTI
- Sponsor
- Posts: 516
- Joined: Wed Mar 03, 2004 10:41 am
- Location: Romford, Essex (London)
- Contact:
haha dont poke fun out of my lameness !!!!
well gearknob is on now, i just didnt like the idea of having to break a one time clip, im always wary about doing stuff like that !
im all MOMO'ed up now though
Cars pulling to the left now though, the tracking has slipped !!!
i blame my suspension, its cheap nasty and worth about 50p
Im currently looking for a deal on some adjustable Coilovers as i have some cash stored away, so anyone reading this who has some plz give send me a lickle MESSAGE.
Also tom_mk5 Not sure if im selling my MK5 gearknob yet, gotta decide if i wanna keep the MOMO one, not 100% sure yet, ill keep u posted though mate.
Calâ„¢
well gearknob is on now, i just didnt like the idea of having to break a one time clip, im always wary about doing stuff like that !
im all MOMO'ed up now though
Cars pulling to the left now though, the tracking has slipped !!!
i blame my suspension, its cheap nasty and worth about 50p
Im currently looking for a deal on some adjustable Coilovers as i have some cash stored away, so anyone reading this who has some plz give send me a lickle MESSAGE.
Also tom_mk5 Not sure if im selling my MK5 gearknob yet, gotta decide if i wanna keep the MOMO one, not 100% sure yet, ill keep u posted though mate.
Calâ„¢