As for the Moomin Smuggler (damn thats a great phrase
)... I'd have stayed in my cheap ass car (or works van...) and said yes, i do have a f***ing problem, but its not with how you've parked. i couldnt care less about that. i have a problem with how much of a t*t you're making yourself look in front of your family. your kids are going to grow up thinking their dad is a total waste of space who argues with anyone that goes past in the car park. do you want that?
by this point i'm probably shouting at the top of my lungs, while tootling along at 15mph and he's running beside trying to break in the rear window with his forehead, but it's well worth it for the fun. not as if he can cause any *really* costly damage. and if he makes an attempt on me, just a quick wiggle of the wheel to put him a little off balance, or a rev of the engine and a quick lurch if standing still, and he'll either be on the floor or running for cover. no bodily harm done but he then looks like an even bigger fool.
if not, then it's instigate plan b, and drive away. if he follows, its unlikely he can accelerate that crate fast enough or drive with enough skill to keep up, at least not until i'm in the car park of the local cop shop with the horn going.
my own MS'ers aren't so bad, but still... it makes you ponder.
The woman ... yes, in a rover... who blocked me in at a local petrol station -cum-tesco minimart when i parked to top my phone up. i draw up to the place, see several of the small number of parking spots around the edge of the forecourt free, and just glide into one. happens to be the end one in the corner, sandwiched between some other car and a small wall. walk in there, take a quick peek outside whilst the till is processing to check on the motor and the state of the world... see a dark grey car pull up at the furthest pump. oh, i think, thats gonna make it difficult to get out.. no worries. but then the driver gets out and walks into the shop, a bit odd that she stopped at a pump for that, gonna cause someone a pain in the butt, but not worth raising a ruck over.
when i get out there.. she's not parked at the pump. she's left a small gap between her car and the pump, i guess so that someone else... on a bike or in one of thse single seater racers... could use it while she's in the shop. However, her car is now quite close to the line of parking spaces, and plainly blocking a few cars in. Mine is only just spared this, but given the layout of the place, it's gonna be a bugger to get out. However i havent a clue how long she's going to be, so i decide to take the krypton factor test. just about make it - after a good couple of minutes wiggling. on the spur of the moment decide to fill up, partially so i have half a chance to pick her brains if she's out in time.
eventually miss havntacluw exits the shop, and i call across... hey... there's an empty space not 8 foot in front of you, been there since you pulled up, do you think you could use it next time? reply... who the f**k do you think you are, the f**king parking warden? me... I don't have to be, there's just no call to park like that with a free space there. you were blocking me and those other cars in, its took me 2 or 3 minutes to wriggle out - what if i was on my way to work or the airport? you'd have made me late, i didnt know how long you were going to be either.
she doesnt have an answer for that... just stares for a moment, red, gets in and drives off quickly. hope i managed to get my point through and she has a bit more brain turned on next time, as it's just sheer laziness. there were still spaces free! what's in these peoples heads, honestly... cheese probably, or liquified moomins. scary that they actually go on the road as well as park.
(well, im not sure how much of what i said there was spoken and how much thought, as i was going a bit red myself, but enough of it traveled through the air to get my feelings known. a better idea might have been to go in the shop and find her, but that might have blown up who knows how high.... was low and didnt feel like getting lamped by some kevette that day)
been a few examples of atrocious parking seen today too, though mostly just disabled space violations. i dont get it... i mean, even after sitting through an unprecendented 1 mile queue to get into the local shopping precinct (jan sales, i forgot... i only needed to nip into boots, too), after rolling round the car park for a minute or two, those little signs painted in the wider spaces closest to the shop fronts represent a small patch of road with biiiig no-entry signs on to me, and i'll just have to park elsewhere and lump it. to others, it means, wheeee, i dont have to walk more than three steps into Marks and Spencers or that *darling* little accessories boutique.... rather than fifteen little steps. saw one couple - elderly, yes, but active and by no means orange badgers (none visible either) roll their unmodified* white micra into one right in front of me (pulling off a terrible maneuver that i had to dodge to avoid a collision, too.... badge on the back - Frightfully English or somesuch... i mean, jolly poor show what), then get out with no difficulty and wander down to M&S.. right next to them, the next reserved space already taken up by a hulking BMW 4x4 that no disabled person would be easily able to mount or dismount.. again no badge, and it was overhanging the hatched area that any adjoining legitimate user would have to use to get in or out of their car. All this not twenty foot from a dozing traffic copper in his jam sandwich. Had half a mind to wake him up, half to confront one or the other, but what can i say in defence of my shameful inaction... but... low motivation day. (again)
This pattern continuing down the strip in front of the shops, on the left as i was looking.. I almost immediately, after dodging the micra, found SEVERAL glaring wide swathes of available spaces in the next layer of car-park to my immediate right. Similar mental blockage to the rover lady i can only assume, as they weren't exactly hard to miss. Slid the polo straight in and took, ooh, all of a six metre and four seconds' walking time penalty (ie, i had to cross the access road to reach the disabled bays) for not parking like an arse and keepign my karma, if not clean, then at least dusted off and blasted liberally with Lynx Dry.
Maybe I should get some little quick-attach luggage tag things made up that I can just slap on their door handles, mirrors, whatever.... or just post-its for the drivers window. Y'know... Are you really physically disabled or just mentally? No orange badge means keep out of the wheelchair spaces. If your eyes are that bad I suggest you WALK to the opticians and stay off the road.
Then there's the dude who pulled the accelerate-slow down-accelerate-slow down thing several times over a fair stretch of motorway in his Brava, just enough to keep me in the outside lane trying to get past him for two miles, stuck behind at a varying 20 to 120 metres, in front a little for at least another mile as both our speeds crept up slowly, before finally something significantly slower came up in lane 2 and lane 3 stayed clear, and i made my escape at all of 87mph. foot flat to the floor over that whole 6 or 7 minute escapade. wouldnt be so bad if it wasnt for the 2-litre badge, and i dont think fiats often have cruise control, so just what were they playing at?
(and his friend in the bmw this summer who wanted to make something of it... at 75mph on the m56... when i flashed him out of the way... originally at 60, in lane 3 also... like, give it up already, you were obstructing traffic for a mile, no need to go off on one and accelerate your "upper class" rusting crate such as to keep me marooned at the head of that fleet whilst LEANING OUT OF YOUR WINDOW AND NOT WATCHING THE ROAD.. i just waved at him, shrugged, and kept it pasted to the floorboards til he lost interest and realised he was now at almost 150% of his cruising speed, and proabably about to start burning oil)
Hmph. well... till next time... keep a cool head in all dumb situations... and always buy your moomins from reputable, fully licensed dealers (you can identify them by a print on their bottoms reading UK DUTY PAID).
To look at it now, guess i DID go off on one "a bit" (byte?), but then i havent been on in an age!
gee thanks! rare.. 
