UK-POLOS.NET - THE VW Polo Forum

If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
The swallow.

How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
Phone her.

Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think men care.

What is the definition of "making love"?
Something a woman does while a guy is BEEP her.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use a lubricant.

How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
None, let the b***h cook in the dark.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long.

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry it!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

Sorry ladies

dino wrote:


How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
None, let the ***** cook in the dark.

They're all quality, nice one Dino

In the word of our Frankie...

**** you right back!

# A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.

# What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.
B. Penicillin

# Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
They know theyre not going to prison for it

# How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.

# Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

# Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half time.

# Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.

# Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.

# What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.

# Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?

# Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

# Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.

# If men got pregnant.... abortion would be available in
convenience stores and drive-through windows.

# Why do men like masturbation?
Its sex with someone they love.

# How do some men define Roe vs. Wade?
Two ways to cross a river.

# What is a man's view of safe sex?
A padded headboard.

# How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".

# Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.

# How many men does it take to screw a light bulb?
One - men will screw up anything.

# How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.

# How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares?

# How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
Who knows?

# How are men and toilets alike?
The good ones are always engaged. Free ones are mostly full of $hit

# Why are men like laxatives?
They can irritate the $hit out of you.

# Do you know why men have holes in the end of their penises?
So oxygen can get into their brains

# How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes

# How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomach everytime they see a bikini

# Why do bachelors like smart women?
Opposites Attract.

# What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
The man

# What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.


tooooo shay

Chally_Rai wrote:

tooooo shay

Ok, we let you have your say.... now... back in the kitchen woman!!!

mysteryboy wrote:

Chally_Rai wrote:

tooooo shay

Ok, we let you have your say.... now... back in the kitchen woman!!!

Thats either 'GET back in the kitchen' or 'back TO the kitchen'

....

Nice, the view of a pig and the view of a lesbian

Chally_Rai wrote:

mysteryboy wrote:

Chally_Rai wrote:

tooooo shay

Ok, we let you have your say.... now... back in the kitchen woman!!!

Thats either 'GET back in the kitchen' or 'back TO the kitchen'

....

Im foreign so I'm allowed to make some mistakes...

At least you took it well... wasn't sure how it would come across

toXXin wrote:Nice, the view of a pig and the view of a lesbian

huh?

oh you go girlie!!!! im impressed

dino wrote:Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think men care.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long.
Sorry ladies

Why do women (have to) fake (the odd) orgasm?
Cuz they know men care. And when sex gets boring its the easy way out, cuz you know theyll keep trying....and trying....yaaaaaaawnnnnn!!!

How many men does it take to open a beer?

five. One to pull the ring pull and 4 more to listen to no.1 bragging about how clever he is to beable to do it...

Your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?

shat in the sink, puked in the bin, snotted all over the floor and pissed in the mop bucket. Can you blame her?

The funny thing is that when it comes down to it, all that is b****x!

Boys cry when you shout at them, they get scared everytime you go out without them cuz their little insecure heads think your gunna bugger off with some pretty barman, they whimper and demand hugs when they are ill, they get upset if you dont ring them to say night night....when you go away they clutch at the t-shirts youve left behind just cuz your smell helps them sleep better! Its kinda sweet I guess...if not slightly pathetic...!! and you can deny it all you like, but i bet theres no guy here over the age of 21 that hasnt been like that. So you can change your titty avatars everyday day of the week if you like, but we all know what youre really like!!!!

i know friends that are guys that havent slept for weeks, that have been physically sick, because the girl they loved left them....

All talk, no trousers....fact!

And on our part. I know not a single man that is not a better cook than me! (although thats not hard) And we do love boys and theyre idioticness, its endearing! lol