Well I've got it all working again. I'm not 100% happy with my fix, but am going to try and improve upon it tomorrow.
Yesterday I rang a VW dealership... and they said their rate is £85ph + VAT, and that it'd be 30 minutes labour for inspection, and they'd also try to work on the fix within that time, if they could do so.
Then I range a VW Specialist/Independent (£55 ph) who I've used before, and to my gratitude, they said that whilst they were really busy, I could bring it down today and they'd run an eye over it.. to try and see what the problem was. They said if they might be able to fix it there and then if it's something simple, or give me the part number of what I'd need, if it was easy to self repair.
Going to the VW Specialist/Indy today, they were true to their word, and one of the head mechanics/joint owners came and gave it a look. He said he'd not actually worked on this section before on a Polo.. not had any fails in for that before. He began to take the main bracket away (black torx screws).. but then realised the bracket wouldn't fall simply away.. that it was slightly more complicated to remove. That access to where the small bolt holding the white component had fallen out - to put it back in tightly - was restricted.
However.. he did explain to me that the white (solenoid?) component, the protruding arm of it with the square head... when you do your central locking to open.. that square head moves and extends outwards to push on the latch, which inturn applies the necessary push on other bits to unlock the tailgate lock.
This was something I wasn't aware of.
Anyway back home, I removed the black torx screws of the bracket, removed the final screw that was holding down the white component (solenoid) which allowed abit of access to get the other screw in. There is no real space to work in, screwing it in from above, so I did it with my finger, getting the screw back in - but not as tightly as I'd like. Then replaced the other screw to secure the white component (solenoid) but again not as tightly as I'd like... but resulting in it back in position and not hanging off.
Result being it now all works again. Before when the tailgate lock wasn't unlocking when unlocking the driver's door or passenger door.... presumably the protruding arm/head of the white component was missing the latch. Or maybe the protruding head touched it but because only held with one screw didn't apply the necessary push and slipped away on the latch.
For reference, when I removed the white component completely and took it indoors whilst having a break for coffee, there was a part number code on the otherside of it = 380 959 781 C (We have a year 2006 Polo 9n).
One thing did occur to me after I'd got it working again.. (although I'm not 100% certain and I'm going to look at it again before putting the tailgate card back). Because I automatically presumed VW had fitted this white component as it logically should be fitted, I also tried to replace the small holding bolts back into the white component from above - the same way both bolt had been fitted originally. And the length of the bolts holding the white component are small.. about 1.5 cm in length. And access there was awkward unless you knew how to undo everything. Undoing the bracket only gave a little extra access.. but it didn't fully come away cause there is other stuff.
However, when I found the central locking was working the tailgate again... I used my own brain, and realised that the 2 threads for the bolts seem to run through the entire white component with no interruption (where you can see the brass bits are on the bottom of white component).
So tomorrow I'm thinking of removing the small 1.5cm bolts which are just are holding the white component in place from above, but will soon loosen up again in the future... and getting some much longer bolts of the same thread size, and fitting it in from the bottom side where access would be really easy. Maybe I'm overlooking something but that seems to make much more sense to me and hopefully should make for a much more lasting and tighter fit of the white component.