Things I've learned from Children (honest & no kidding)

[bstardchild]

For those with No children - this is totally hysterical!
For those who already have children past this age - this is hilarious.
For those who have children at this age - this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age - this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children - this is a form of birth control!

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:
"Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):"

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 3 bedroom house about 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on a nylon duster and then run over it with roller skates / blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a large room.

5. You should not throw balls up when the ceiling fan is on, using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can then hit a ball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a ball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Bleach makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the Movies.

10. Certain bits of Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jelly you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jelly.

15. VCR's do not eject toasted sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving and very expensive to remove.

18. You probably do not want to know what that smell really is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The average response time for the fire brigade is about 20 minutes.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. The mind of a 6-year old is a wonderful and amassing thing. One day the infant school teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy xxxxx! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.


25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid – I know I thought about it!!!)

[algenon_iii]

Now where did I put that bottle of brake fluid

[Karl_CLCoupe]

I confess, I even thought about it too

Karl.

[metz]

lol I just asked karl to try it as i read that bit cos its raining and the shop is too far to go just for bleach.

P.S..i'll try it at my mums house another day.

[AshLeMacq]

As soon as I read it I thought. Hmmmm interesting.

hahah

[retro]

Or, for those who don't have any bleach or brake fluid handy:

Soldering iron + Spray can of WD40 = Smoke machine

[Tahrey1043]

2. If you spray hair spray on a nylon duster and then run over it with roller skates / blades, they can ignite.

<9yearsoldagain>Wickid!!</9yearsoldagain>

That's so got to be tried.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
18. You probably do not want to know what that smell really is.

*on floor*

8. Brake fluid mixed with Bleach makes smoke, and lots of it.

25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid – I know I thought about it!!!)

Well........ its inevitable really... hehehe

If it actually works, then i'm in a perfect position to experiment right now, and tomorrow the neighbours will get a nice laugh out of thinking i've blown the car up.... dish pan under car + bleach + leftover brake fluid = that'll do nicely for a set of digicam shots
(assuming the flush thru actually comes to fruition)

The words "TOXIC - keep out of reach of children", "your own stupid fault" and "you were asking for it" do spring rapidly to mind however....

10. Certain bits of Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

The mind boggles.


Great stuff BC

now where did i put that thing with this years darwin nominees in


/off to microwave some playdo..

[mk2keel]

thought about the bleach and brake fluid too must confess.

like the idea of wd40 and a soldering iron could do that right now.

[GroovyCarrot]

I confess, I thought of doing it.. probably would have done if my parents hadn't just got back Depending on how bored I am tomorrow I may flush my brake fluid, in which case this could be a fun idea...

[Tahrey1043]

spare cylinders and calipers on standby mate......